Sunday, September 26, 2010

Saturday Night Live. Someone's been stealing..

Flipping through SNL last night, I was surprised by the blatent rip off they did. Seems like the writing staff is spending their research time on YouTube.
You decide:

Last Night's SNL faux commercial "Hair Restoration"


HBO Hardcore TV from the 80's "Pubic Hair Club for Men"


Here's another example from last nights show, this is not as blatant, but it's pretty damn similar and not quite as funny.

Saturday Night Live: Wedding Venue (Muslim Pray Center)


College Humor's Fun Ground Zero Mosque (September 14th 2010)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Greatest Thing Since 1983!

Back in the day, my friends Karlan and Pete told me that they had VHS copies of the live action G.I. Joe and Transformer movies. "Yeah" Pete told me, "George Peppard plays Duke! It's awesome!"

Like a fool I believed them. It took me weeks of cornering them to get the confession that was to come. Infact, there were no live action versions of our favorite cartoons, comic and toy characters. Why would there be? We were just kids! We didn't matter and our silly cartoons were not the stuff of feature films. There would never be a Spider-man, X-Men or G.I Joe movie.

Now, I've lost touch with Pete and Karlan at the time when I most wish I could talk to them. My inner 12 year old wants to share the shock and amazement that it all happened. That as bad as they are, The Transformers has smashed head on into the stream of the popular culture. Optimus Prime will be remembered for another generation. Snake-Eyes is the baddest ninja to ever slice across the screen.

I want to talk to them! I want to see the expression on their faces. I want to know they're out there feeling the same way.

Honestly, The G.I. Joe and Transformers movies, just don't capture the love I had for those characters, so long ago, but this does and I bet a few of the people who helped create it, felt the same way. This is a very funny and star-studded little video. It's made with the same love that I had for these properties and it made me feel like it was 1983 again and it was time to collect all three precious elements to fight Cobra and build our own "M.A.S.S. Device!"

Hey Karlan, Hey Pete!
Go Joe!






(Kevin Umbricht -Writer/Producer, Daniel Strange - Writer/Director )
Two forces waging endless war, and they daily waste more
But when the day is done, and they go home...
What do they do for fun?

Night falls on G.I Joe HeadquartersShipwreck just got season one of The Wonder Years (Alan Tudyk)
Doc is reading Dostoyevsky (Laz Alonso)And Snow Job's drinking beer (Zach Galifiankais)
[I heard he likes to drink quite a bit]
Snake Eyes is painting landscapes (Andreas Owald)
It makes him feel at peace
His latest is a series of sunsets on the beachAnd Scarlett lies awake and wonders (Julianne Moore)
Will Duke still love me when I'm old?I see the way he looks at Lady Jaye (Alexis Bledel, Henry Rollins)
Some day he's gonna leave me in the cold....

No Duke don’t go.
(Geoff Mann produced, arranged, recorded and performed the music)
Night falls on the Cobra Terror DromeStorm Shadow's taking out the trash (Frankie Kang)
Tomax is boosting Xamots wallet (Joey Kern x2)
He needs the extra cash
Cobra Commander loves 70's boo-gie
And he's a big fan of Three Dog Night [one is the loneliest number]
When he takes over the world
The first thing he'll do is make 'em reuniteAnd Zartan sits up late and wonders (Billy Crudup)
[I wonder, wonder who]
Who, who is the real me?
And in the end, do I really have any friends
Who love me for being Zartan
Who love me for being me?Destro! (Vinnie Jones)[Destro]Destro and the Baroness (Olivia Wilde)Destro and the Baroness
Practicing the clarinet
Destro and the Baroness
Practicing the clarinet
Practicing the clarinet
They're practicing the clarinet!
} clarinet solo {
Dr. Mindbender's talking on his ham radio (Tony Hale)His best friend is some guy he doesn't even know (Chuck Liddell)
If things could always be this way, wouldn't that be nice?
But no dice.
Cobra's got the M.A.S.S. Device
Ting..... (you know who)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Ok, I'm gonna say it:

I'm sad for the tragic lost potential; the early death of a brilliant, but abused man-child of enormous talent, and the social order that created, allowed and now excuses him and ignores the horror of what he became. I loved him too, but he was a very sad and sick man and I can't be a part of this sick media whitewash. At least he is at peace..

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fellini meets Apocalypse Now, meets X-men

God Bless Patton Oswalt.
David Hayter, Roger Ebert, I especially like Margaret Pomeranz (an Australian TV reviewer who hadn't read the book"

The problem is our lack of reference and our dulling numbness to anything but intense stimulus. This movie will do better outside the US. Surprise, we are idiots and arrogant snobs, mixed like a stripe soft serve cone.

I think this movie has taught me why Sci-Fi deserves to live in mediocrity.

TV shows like Battlestar Gallactica and movies like Watchmen are made because someone who cares and is a fan has gained a little power, when they fail, that voice is extinguished and replaced by another idiot Hollywood douche. I can find fault with this film in comparison with the masterpiece the book is, but not in comparison with other films.

Then again, I'm not obsessed or bothered by minor moments of blue nudity or soundtrack choices, two things that went beyond me, but are mentioned in almost every negative review.

In its imperfection it is Fellini meets Apocalypse Now, meets X-men. An entirely new movie, like we have never seen and I can't wait to view the director's cut.

We will never see Hollywood even try this again because its not mainstream enough for popcorn movie fans and "Arthouse Film" lovers are too snobby to watch a "supehero movie."

It is a hybrid and an original vision, no matter how much it owes to the book, it is flawed but brilliant and all the people who vehemently hate it will forget their arrogance as it follows "Blade Runner" and other "under appreciated in their own time" milestones into historical beloved status.

Those who call it "pseudo intellectual" are snobs in decline.

Those who tell you it's a comic and should not be made into a film, forget that it is indeed still a comic, and that 90% of all film, from the beginning of time is inspired from literature.

Those who take their children and then get angry that its an R rated movie, well...grow up...it's an R rated movie.

So I'm walking out after Watchmen. I peer out into the world seeing little connection to my peers. Like Silvia Plath during the Rosenberg trials, I have no idea who to relate to and where I'll find my bearings. A world so obviously lost to its own context. If I were to design a context to all the views and voices that have lashed out with arrogance and populism, it would be like this:

We live in a cultural mix of sophisticated infancy. On one hand, those striving to be considered as well thought and tasteful vacillate between two poles.

The scornful erudites; those who truly get the profundity of culture, art, science, craft and all refined achievements while often missing many of the shifting paradigms that break from their precious cannon of formerly rebellious and now commonly held conventions. Paradigms that often re-ignite the very lust to create that birthed the things they find precious in life.

The hollow but sly trend watchers, who possess uncanny but limited vision into the heart of practical one-upsmanship. Not spectacularly concerned or able to cope with profound and deeply unmanageable "big picture" bits of philosophical, theological or sociological systems, these bureaucratic chameleons study the guise and traits of the positions they find most fulfilling or personally aspiring and make their nest there, happy and content in the bitter, but structurally protective institutions of "after the risk" and "before the fall."

Neither are prepared or inspired to take chances. They have not witnessed the burden of those who do, but they have great appreciation for the calamity, the spectacle and the risk it will incur their nests and utopias.

On the other hand, somewhere off in a more definable realm, people want shit to do. They want to throw off their jobs and responsibilities, relax with a fucking beer, talk some shit with friends, fuck their chick or dude and make the time between 9 and 5 go as far away as it possibly can.

They don't connect with big brained bullshit, they don't question shit that makes them upset or gives them a fucking panic attack.

They don't aspire to luxury in the form of the profundity of the collective accomplishments of humanity.

They share the perspective of the social construct.

They know only short escapes.

They are bored with all but the most intoxicating thrills and numbing agents.

They are for the most part, unaware or excited by the heights of their visual sophistication and numb to modern communication methods that would keep their forefathers in their closets, bible in hand, wishing away hellspawn.

None of them, the snob, the hack nor the laymen appreciate the goods that have been put in front of them.

Many have written essays on why they won't be watching Watchmen. Alan Moore, the book's author complains that in hindsight Watchmen, meant to be a watershed book to birth a new force in groundbreaking comics, became instead intellectual license to gratuitously realize higher levels of violence and sexual content.

Moore is right, instead of inspiring us to break convention the film's impact is reflected through pompous bloggers, film critics and others who hug convention and use critique to soapbox their self oreinted "look at me" anger. For the most part the "Watchmen reaction" in its explosive nature and volume, is proof of it's impact.

I'm a bit sick with the loss of true film critique. The snobs deem it unworthy by genre, the simple ones think it's boring because it doesn't cater to their need for fast paced thrills, the fans deem it not the book... as if it could be.

The people who seem the most clear are the folks who never read the book, who, when they love it, recognize it as something entirely new to film.

Their honesty holds the keys to the kingdom.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Is It In The Spirit......Frank?

Man.....

yeesh...

Ok..
clear my head..


I am not going to over judge the Coked-up Raymond Chandler finds Metropolitan Theology soaked monologue that is contained in this heartfelt, well intentioned, piece of crap that is passing for the first Spirit trailer..

Shit.



Ok.... Get my bearings...

I love The Spirit. I'm not going to gush, but let's say I've read around 93% of Will Eisner's work. He is the first great complete artist (art and script) of the comic book art form. Frank Miller knew Eisner. He loved him. I believe that Frank Miller wants to do right by him. I want him to as well. Other than Watchmen, there is no "comic to film" property that I would rather see succeed.

But I have to ask, "who was this guy talking in this trailer?"

"That was The Spirit?"

"The Spirit is running and jumping across roof tops, while engaging in metaphoric soliloquy?"

(not going to complain about the hokey cg jumping, because I believe that's on purpose)

Denny Colt......The Spirit, is a "man's man." He's a classic good guy hero; charming, good natured, lovable, punch drunk, and extremely hard to kill. This is not a man who thinks about the nature of heroes and totems as it relates to himself and his city!!


Where did this "My City" crap come from? He's not Batman! Since when is The Spirit, a dark vigilante who dances upon the city skyline like DareDevil in a dark duster? Where is the brutish, but lovable guy in the blue suit? Where is the gloved underdog, who seemed more a mix between Cary Grant and Li'l Abner?

Oh yeah... I forgot... this is really Frank Miller's The Spirit isn't it?


Both men describe a gritty urban city, but Eisner paints a city filled with the entire spectrum of emotions; humor, horror, beauty, lust, innocence, silliness. Miller is black and white, unable to grasp the subtle human quality of Eisner's work. Where Eisner sees a depth, Miller see extremes. Eisner heightens the impact of violence by adding goofiness, seduction, moments of extreme action. Miller is like a coked up Raymond Chandler, every moment is booze, broads, bazookas, blood, boobs, butts and bomb blasts.

Miller's violence is porn, it's fantastic porn, but it's about anger, empowerment, control and domination, it's always about the guy kicking ass.


Eisner's violence is about the pain felt, the victimization, even when The Spirit is kicking ass, he's barely getting it done against overwhelming odds.


By the way, for those who are in the know, The Spirit's most deadly enemy, The Octopus, who has never, ever, ever, been shown in any form other than in a deep disguise and normally, is only recognizable by his oddly three striped gloves..

Well, here he is...
and again...

and...

Shit.

Not sure this isn't Constantine all over again...